The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
