Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This baby is an asshole
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize