you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
