im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
