turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
