Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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