i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Mom said you looked used
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
