So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
