drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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