HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
