just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
