ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
