you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
