All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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