woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize