How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize