I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
