your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
