Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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