it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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