i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
