she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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