make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
