He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
