Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
