so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she told me i tasted like america
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
