He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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