Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
