Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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