the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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