I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And then my night got REAL pukey
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
