I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
