I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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