Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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