i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
