...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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