how can u be prego again
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This is the high leading the old right now
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
