Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
