Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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