Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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