Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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