I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
