I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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