I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
