I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
