NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
