My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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