I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The Olympian is in my bed
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
