Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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