my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize