just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need a beard to bite.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
