Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
