Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
