I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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