Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
