my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
