She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
