happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
