just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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