apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
