the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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