I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
