You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
