When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
