well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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