So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
