Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just found puke in my bra..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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