Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
