In the future we'll all be gay
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think I died a long time ago.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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