I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
