Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
