I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i've created a new STD.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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