he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
