I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
