I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
