So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
