Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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