I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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